Anxiety, Day 2

I'm working from home again today.. Even though I really should have gone to the office. I had borrowed a friends iPad and he is leaving today (he lives in Virginia) so now I have to mail it back to him. My boss is also coming to the office today and wants to chat about the next phase of a project I've been working on. I sent him an e-mail and told him about my anxiety. So now that's out there.

I'm not sure whats going on with me these days. I made sure I got a good nights sleep last night -- well made as "sure" as I could. I went to bed early, etc. I felt like I slept okay, although I did have this strange dream. In the dream I had apparently been in a car accident -- I was hit head on and then another car hit me from behind and flipped the car. I apparently ended up being in a coma for a few months. I know this because when I woke up (in the dream) baseball season was over and football season was on. Then people told me about the accident, etc.

I woke up with a headache on the right side of my head too. Normally, when I have sinus issues I'll get a headache on the left side of my head so having it on the right was odd. It almost felt like a hangover but all I drank last night was ginger ale.

The other "pressing" reason to go to the office today - or at least into the city - is to pick up my prescription refill since I took my last pills Thursday night. I think I'll be okay for a few days without them. I am going to encourage my wife to come home early on Sunday so she can drive me into NYC to pick up my meds.

Thats the other thing about the anxiety -- I've been driving myself to work but when Pam is away with the car I don't have that option. In theory being in a cab should feel the same as driving myself, but it doesn't. I don't have the same amount of control when someone else is driving.

I'm really not sure how to proceed from here as far as my therapy, my meds, etc.

I so fear having an anxiety attack that I get anxious thinking about it that it prevents me from even trying. I guess if I could find some way of inducing a panic attack in a controlled environmental I could learn how to cope with them and then the anticipation of having one wouldn't be so bad.