Tuesday, April 19, 2011


I've posted a bunch of "new" blog entries that are really not new - they are excerpts from journals I kept off and on from high school through a period of my life post-college. I compiled these specific postings for my current therapist and decided they were good things to post on this blog.

I was supposed to start a Mindfulness and Mediation workshop yesterday (Monday) but I bailed on it. My reasons for bailing were.. well partly anxiety related -- I arrived at the building on Madison Ave about 40 minutes prior to the start of the "class" and felt uneasy -- but also there were other factors. I had read more about the workshop online and wasn't sure it was my cup of tea. Of course, I probably should have done that research before I signed up. But the other contributing factor was softball. See, I play on a work softball team and many of our games this season are on Monday's. Because the workshop was also on Monday's I would have missed almost 1/2 the season. As I explained to my therapist today, my anxiety prevents me from doing things I want to do - like flying to California or Aruba -- and I don't want my anxiety treatment to prevent me from doing things I want and CAN do - like playing softball. Of course, my therapist (and my wife) reaction to that idea was that dealing with my anxiety is more important than softball.

I could say that I don't agree but they would both argue I'm just justifying not dealing with my anxiety.

In any event, the workshop - because of my "late" cancellation - is non-refundable so my only option is to re-enroll in a later workshop. So my "justification" for bailing is rendered mute, unless I want to forfeit the rather substantial payment for the workshop.

So many things to think about in dealing with the anxiety.. Yet another reason I wish I didn't have this frickin' issue / disability / whatever-you-want-to-call it.

1 comment:

  1. If I may say so I agree with you on this one sorry to your wife. Softball is your release no pressure. Re register for another time when softball is over, sometimes over anayzing can be counter productive down time is a positive thing to for anxiety ridden people.