The No Updates Update

I've been very busy at work and so I haven't had much time to post to the blog. I've also not posted because I haven't made any significant progress in my routine. Over the weekend and yesterday I rode the subway with Pam but not ever on my own. I had a golden opportunity to "get my feet wet" last night -- I was meeting Pam and my cousin for drinks at City Crab on 19th and Park, so I could have taken a two stop subway ride. However, I didn't. I didn't even try. I walked to the subway stop and then just kept going. It was a beuatiful warm not and so I walked the 15 blocks.

Working From Home

Today I worked from home. Not for any anxiety related reason but because it made sense. I have been working primarily on two projects. Project "A" was completed yesterday and project "B" is almost done. Project "B" required some bug fixing and validation of the bugs being fixed. I felt I would be more productive working at home on Project "B" than I would at the office. Part of that is due to an annoying co-worker.. but I won't get into that here.

Tomorrow I am probably going to drive to work. But I have a good reason. A while back my company started providing bagels on Fridays which is great. A co-worker and I, (not the annoying one mentioned above) are both big fans of donuts. (I have a sweet tooth). Said co-worker and I have been alternating buying Dunkin' Donuts on Fridays. Last week was my turn to bring in donuts but I forgot. So tomorrow I am planning to bring in special donuts -- ones made right when you order them. The place where I plan to purchase the donuts is not near a subway stop and I want to get them to the office still warm from the oil they were just cooked in. All of this adds up to driving rather than taking the subway.

Easier Said Than Done

I left my office yesterday and headed down to the subway. I moved to the front of the platform figuring that I would get on the front of the train so I could see out the front and that would make me feel better. The first train that arrived was packed and so I didn't even attempt to get on. The second one came and wasn't too bad as far as the crowd. I got on to the front car, however there were people at the very front so I could not get the seat I hoped to get where I could look out the front of the train. I stood on the train for a minute but then felt a surge building up inside me and so I quickly got off the train.

I waited for a few minutes to see if another train would come quickly, but it didn't. After what was probably only a few minutes but felt a lot longer, I started to get amped up and so I went back outside.

I walked across town over to where I would catch the bus but ended up taking a cab because I was getting sleepy from the Klonopin and just wanted to get home.

Today, Wednesday, I was supposed to take the subway in with my wife and attempt to go it alone from 23rd to 33rd street (only two stops.) However, we ended up driving in because my wife had her laptop and some other stuff for her meetings and preferred the car. Plus, since she was traveling into NYC for business she said I could put the parking garage on her corporate card.

So, as I've said often, tomorrow is another day.

Tuesday

I ended up driving to work yesterday. I got an early call from someone at work regarding an issue with a client and so I started working from home. My wife had a call scheduled so we had a narrow window for her to travel with me to work but by the time I fixed the issue for our customer and was ready to head to work there wasn't enough time for my wife to make the trip and be back in time for her call. The drive was uneventful and one bonus was I found a cheaper garage to park in. So it wasn't all bad!

Today I'm at work -- back to the morning routine of going on the subway with my wife. However, I'm getting ready to head out from the office and try my first small step of taking the subway alone.. at least a few stops. There are several motivations behind this attempt. One, as I wrote about on Friday, the bus service really sucks. Two, I really want to get over this anxiety thing and enjoy one of those good cigars I promised myself. The third reason is that tomorrow I will not be able to travel the whole way with my wife. She has a meeting in NYC and so she will get off at 23rd Street. I realize that I could get out and walk or take a bus from there but is only two more stops from 23rd to work and so I'd like to accomplish that small step too!

A Better Way?

There has got to be a better way to travel in NYC than the bus. OH RIGHT .. there IS! The subway! Now if I can just get my sh*t together so I can get back to riding the subway.

Last night I left my office to catch the bus down 2nd Avenue to Wall Street where I would hopefully take the subway one stop to Clark Street. I got to the corner at 5:30 and watched the bus pull away. It stopped at the next block because of a red light and so I ran to the corner to see if the driver would let me on. No dice.

I went back to the bus stop and checked the schedule. It said the buses ran every 6 - 7 minutes at that hour so I figured, no big deal. Well, it was more like 15 minutes before the next bus came. Never the less, I was on the bus and on my way down town to Wall Street. Or so I thought..

As we were waiting to make the turn on to Houston there was a blizzard of sirens and flashing red lights and I swear the bus almost got creamed by a fire truck. The bus finally made the turn on to Houston and pulled over at the stop and some people got off. However, no one got on and the bus doors stayed opened. Then there was a garbled annoucnment, the gist of which was that this was now the last stop due to the emergency activity more or less in front of us. GREAT!

I got out of the bus along with everyone else and walked a few blocks south and then grabbed a cab home.

I REALLY have to get back to riding the subway.

5 for 5

Today is Friday, the fifth day of the week and the fifth day of the week that I've made it to the office! I know for most people this would not be such a big deal, but given my recent anxiety issues it is quite an accomplishment. I can't remember the last time I was in the office all five days on any given week.

As much as I should be happy with this accomplishment (and I am) I am still a bit disappointment in my reliance on taxi cabs to get home each day. I believe from Monday to Thursday I spent nearly $60 on taxi fares. Today I will take the bus down to Wall Street (assuming the bus is GOING to Wall Street!) and attempt to take the subway home the last leg. I've discussed with my wife the possibility of her meeting me at Wall Street but we'll see if I need that or not.

Two Steps Forward One Step Back

Today started out as a normal good day. The subways were quiet, probably due to it being Veteran's Day so the commute was low stress. As has been the case recently, my wife was with me. I arrived at work a little late -- shortly after 10am - but no big deal.

However, the day got stressful as the annoying co-worker who sits next to me was his generally annoying self. And I had projects to get done - including assigning some tasks to him to complete. And while I toiled away at my PC working on multiple projects I watched him pretty much EAT all day. I really don't know how (or if?) he gets any work done when his hands never seem to touch the keyboard. Also, our boss is over seas on business and so I think his absence makes my co-worker feel less motivated to do any work.

I finally had had enough around 5pm when he interjected himself into another conversation that he wasn't part of. I REALLY wanted to remind him that he had like, actual WORK to do.. but since I'm not his boss I just kept my mouth shut and left.

Since I left work earlier than normal I figured I could catch an earlier bus downtown -- hopefully one that would actually go to Wall Street this time. No such luck. I waited for 15 or 20 minutes as multiple bosses (not mine) stopped at the stop before decided to walk across town and try my luck on 2nd Avenue.

I got to 2nd Avenue and waited another 10 or 15 minutes for a bus but never saw one. At this point I was tired and still agitated from the day and said screw it and grabbed a cab. I realize I should have at least TRIED the subway - even from "way" up town where I was but I really just wanted to go home and take a nap.